Joomla! site syndication http://www.captainincredible.com 2008-08-07T18:34:26+01:00 http://www.captainincredible.com http://www.captainincredible.com/images/M_images/joomla_rss.png text/html 2007-01-08T21:18:25+01:00 http://www.captainincredible.com http://www.captainincredible.com/content/view/1/6/ Odds are that if you've never seen a tractor on Main Street in your town then you have never encountered a Krystal. They look like White Castle. They use White Castle burgers. Through all your common sense you would think that you're eating at a White Castle, but somewhere in between whatever secret process of meat patty and steam they use their message gets fucked up. Instead of the chocolate chip cookie care package from grandmother that your tongue was expecting you get an envelope full of bin Laden's pubes. And if filthy terrorist pubic hair isn't a way to wrap up a paragraph I don't want to live in this America. Their commercials feature people telling their Krystal stories, but don't let the fact that I'm talking about it fool you into thinking they're interesting. People just talk about how they were doing something perfectly normal like studying and getting hungry. One particular couple even stops there every morning to get a Scrambler, a delicious sausage in a cup. At the end they invite you to send your own story. I did, and unsurprisingly, I never heard from them. After the last shovel full of dirt found its way upon my former lover's new underground bed I thought to myself, "All this burying has me hungry, but what's open at 3 am in the backwoods of rural Mississippi?" Well I stomped down the hot foot on the goose neck and tore down highway buck-nineteen to that gleaming little red beacon of fast food delight wedged between Uncle Henry's Discount Gold-Plating Teeth Specialists and Pawn, and Kim's Nails. After chewing down 8, 9 little burgers with cheese I whipped open my fly and decided time was to get to work, and as the vapors of those little onions met my nose my penis arose, and like the poetry of that last line I started laying the smooth loving down on some square patties. Just like that I dropped that top bun back on and felt the steamy heat upon my most heinous of boners. Hardly had I time to sequester my genitals from the melted cheese before I was dumping about half a helping of sauce into the cheese, the melted yellow and milky white coming together in some acryllic puddle that I would later use to pen this letter. That's my Krystal story, and I\'ll see you on the road.